Stop Saying Sorry: Confidence, Gender and Communication on the Pickleball Court

Possibly the most frequent word used on a Pickleball Court...Sorry!

If you’ve spent any time on a Pickleball court, especially in mixed doubles, you’ve probably noticed something peculiar: women apologising to their male partners. A missed return, a misjudged dink, a shot into the net—“Sorry!” The reaction is almost automatic, even when there’s no sign of disappointment or blame from the male partner.

This pattern, though seemingly harmless, speaks volumes about confidence, gender expectations, and communication in sport. And it’s time we addressed it.

The Apology Reflex

Apologising for a mistake in sport is often a social cue—a way of acknowledging a misstep and showing awareness of our impact on the team. But in Pickleball, particularly in recreational or club-level games, it has taken on a gendered pattern: women apologise far more frequently than men.

This isn’t about politeness or sportsmanship. It’s about an ingrained belief, often subconscious, that a woman’s mistake is more disruptive, or more in need of explanation, than a man’s. Yet if you watch men play—especially those same mixed doubles partners—you’ll see that men make just as many errors. The difference is, they tend to internalise their frustration. You’ll hear “Come on!” or “What are you doing?”—but it’s aimed at themselves, not followed by a sheepish look at their partner. And it’s rarely “Sorry.”

Why It Matters

Confidence is a key ingredient in good Pickleball. When a player constantly apologises, they’re sending a message—not just to their partner, but to themselves: I shouldn’t have made that mistake. I’m letting you down. That narrative eats away at self-belief and can seriously affect performance of both players in the team.

The truth is, errors are part of the game. Everyone makes them. What strong players do—regardless of gender—is acknowledge the mistake, regroup, and focus on the next point and visualise the next amazing shot. Apologising often distracts from that process. It reinforces the idea that a woman’s contribution to the team is conditional on perfection, it totally is not, men are grateful for playing with women.

What Men Really Think

Here’s the twist: most male players don’t expect, or even want, the apology. In fact, many find it unnecessary or even uncomfortable. They know the game moves quickly, and that every rally is an opportunity to reset. Some may misinterpret the apology as insecurity, which can subtly shift the dynamic of the team.

What men do appreciate is confidence, clarity, and communication. A quick “yours” or “mine,” a strategy adjustment, or even a laugh after a long rally gone wrong—these are the moments that build trust on the court. Not apologies. Use a smile and a paddle tap to make the error disappear in a puff of smoke. 💨

Change the Script

So to all the women out there who instinctively say sorry when the shot doesn’t land—stop. You don’t need to apologise for playing the game. You’re allowed to take risks, miss shots, and learn through the process.

Instead of saying sorry, try saying “Next one’s mine, Let’s reset, Let’s Play, Let’s do this, We’ve got this”. Build your presence with positive language. You deserve to be on the court just as much as anyone else, and your confidence should reflect that.

Pickleball is a team sport, but it starts with believing in your own game. Play boldly. Speak confidently and leave the apologies at the door.

For more on building self-assurance on the court, check out my earlier blog post on confidence in Pickleball here – it’s all part of becoming the player you’re meant to be.

Michael ツ’
stayingalivepickleball.com